


Blink Back To Let Me Know

by killyouraesthetic



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Hospitals, Illness, M/M, Song fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-10
Updated: 2016-10-10
Packaged: 2018-08-21 17:27:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,310
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8254262
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/killyouraesthetic/pseuds/killyouraesthetic
Summary: Tyler knew something wasn't right.SONG FIC based off Panic! At The Discos 'Always' from Vices and Virtues





	

**Author's Note:**

> sorry for not tagging much, didn't want many spoilers!

When the world gets too heavy  
Put it on my back  
I'll be your levy

Tyler knew something wasn't right. Josh got exhausted during shows, and he ate less and less, saying that he didn't have an appetite. He swallowed three pills at a time, always complaining about bad headaches, and was always tired. Tyler knew something wasn't right, but he let it slide, promising to keep a closer eye on Josh from now on.

~

Josh stumbled away from Tyler, feeling the bile rise up in his throats for the third time that morning. Something was definitely wrong, but he didn't want to trouble any of the crew, especially only three weeks away from their Maddison Square Garden shows. He puked into the rather well trimmed hedge alongside the path, and he felt slightly guilty for ruining the garden. His worries moved to the back of his mind though when he heard Tyler cautiously approach from behind him and place a reassuring hand on his back, making sure Josh could stand before talking to him. "bro, you good?" Tyler asked, worry apparent in his eyes.  
"Yeah, just," Josh promptly puked again, this time his vision blurring a little around the edges, feeling a little jump at Tyler's touch. He looked up a little to meet Tyler's eyes and smiled weakly. "Do you think I could go back to the hotel?"

~

After arriving at the hotel, Josh quickly moved to the bathroom, preparing for another bout of nausea. Tyler sat on his bed, on the phone talking to Mark.  
"Dude, I think something's really wrong. He keeps on puking and he can't stand up without holding onto something" Tyler said, while also googling Josh's symptoms. He knew that probably would lead him nowhere, but it was all he could do to keep himself busy.  
"Tyler, im sure it's just gastro or some stomach bug, he's fine." Mark said soothingly, knowing that Tyler was over reacting.  
"Mark, this website says he's dying." Mark scoffed.  
"Tyler, if you Google 'I have hiccups" it will say you're dying. Now, goodnight. Get some rest, make sure Josh does as well, Okay?" Mark said firmly, making sure Tyler responded before hanging up and heading to his bed, rolling his eyes at Tyler and his worrying for Josh.

As soon he put his phone away, the sound of Josh retching caught his attention. He rushed to the bathroom, finding Josh leaning over the toilet bowl, violently vomiting what was left from dinner. Tyler rushed to his side, rubbing his hand soothingly across Josh's back. "Shh, Josh, it's okay baby, you're okay" Tyler said softly as Josh retched again, unable to find anything left in his stomach to vomit up. "I've got you baby, shh now." 

~

Josh woke up to find Tyler laying next to him, arm around his waist and nose buried in his fading pink hair. Josh suddenly felt sick, but he didn't think it was from the bug he had managed to catch. He rushed to the bathroom, barely making it to the toilet before puking up what he could barely manage to get down his throat the night before. A few minutes later, he heard Tyler rush into the bathroom and quickly make his way to his side, reaching out a hand to comfort Josh. Josh, who before had been somewhat calm, was suddenly filled with anger, and hit Tyler's hand away. He withdrew, panicking that he had accidentally hurt Josh, when he heard him let out a broken sob. He was filled with the need to hug his friend and reached out to Josh immediately, but was yet again met with anger and a light smack to the arm, a clear sign that Josh wanted to be left alone. So he reluctantly got up and left the crying man on the floor to be left with his thoughts, at least for a while.

Tyler went for a walk around the block, the whole time fiddling with phone. He liked a few tweets, and took a couple photos with a few excited fans. He faked a smile in all of them, praying to God that no one would notice. After 30 minutes of walking around, he made his way back to his and Joshs room.

After unlocking the door and taking his shoes off, he made his way into the room to find Josh sitting on his bed. "Josh? Wha-" Josh cut off Tyler half way through his sentence with a quiet mumble. Tyler paused, before making his way over to Josh and sitting next to him, and squeezed his arm lightly, an invitation to speak again. Josh nodded, and took a deep breath. "Tyler, I need to go to a hospital."

You are taking me apart  
Like bad glue  
On a get well card

Tyler couldn't remember what Josh's hair looked like anymore. Sure, there were photos, but looking at them made his heart ache and his mind dull from the pain of remembering better times. Today, he was sitting through Josh's last chemo session, the last appointment at the hospital before they found out if it had done its job or not. Josh was excited, bouncing around as much as he could without vomiting or passing out. Tyler was excited too, excited that he may never have to come back to this place ever again in a few weeks. He never wanted to see another hospital again. "Tyler! Tyler, can you hold my hand during this session? It makes it hurt a little bit less." Josh asked Tyler like he did before every appointment. Tyler just smiled and nodded, desperate for anything to soothe Josh's pain, grabbing Josh's hand as they walked through the door of the doctors office. He was sure all the staff thought they were a couple, but Tyler didn't mind, as long as that meant he could be at Josh's side at all times. During the appointment, they looked through all the get well cards their fans sent them. They seemed to make Josh feel much better, but all they did for Tyler was make him think about how much Josh was like the glue sticking the stickers and little decorations onto the cards, about how easily he could be ripped away from Tyler. Tyler tried his best to avoid these thoughts, but whenever he slipped to far, Josh would always bring him back with a quick squeeze of their hands and a little smile sent in his direction.

~

The doctors words all slurred together, unable to process any proper sentences. He could hear Tyler crying, but all he could do was to hold his hand tighter, in a desperate attempt to comfort him. After a while, he felt Tyler's smooth hands on his jaw, pulling his head to face him. He could see that Tyler was still crying, devastation and heartbreak the first emotions visible in his eyes. Josh knew he was dying, ever since he started chemo he knew it wasn't going to work. He didn't know why he felt that way, but maybe it was the way that the constant aching in the bottom of his skull never dulled, or the fact that he didn't have enough strength to endure it. After a quick look around, he saw his nurse (whom he'd grown quite attached too, after all his visits) sobbing in the corner. With a little help from Tyler, he made his way over and gave her a tight hug, telling her softly that he was okay.

I'm a fly that's trapped  
In a web  
But I'm thinking that  
My spider's dead

Josh fucking hated his hospital bed. There was hardly ever enough room for him to move, especially when Tyler climbed in with him, but he told himself that there was other people who had it worse than him, people who actually deserved a comfy bed. He voiced his thought to Tyler one particularly sad night, who lightly slapped him, half joking and half not, and told him to never think like that again, that he was more important to him to anyone in the world. That didn't stop him from thinking about how he was trapped, physically by the cancer, and mentally, by his thoughts that never stopped pelting him with negativity and sadness. So he took shelter in Tyler, burying his head in his chest to hide his tears.

Josh worried about Tyler a lot as well. When his nurses and family came to visit him, he joked around and laughed with them, commenting about his hair and how he was 'going bald anyway', getting a few surprised looks from the new nurses that came by from time to time. When Tyler was with him though, it was a wave of depression that hit him like a freight train going full speed. Josh knew he wouldn't cope well after Josh was gone, so he made a list of things for Tyler to do for Josh after he died, that he couldn't do when he was alive, to hopefully take his mind off of Josh himself. So he asked the nurses next time they came around for a notebook and pen, and started "Tyler's List of Things to do to Appease Josh in the Afterlife".

Lonely, lonely little life  
I could kid myself  
In thinking that I'm fine

That I'm skin and bone  
Just a king and a rusty throne  
Oh, the castle's under siege  
But the sign outside says, "Leave me alone."

Josh could feel death coming soon, could feel it's presence looming just above him, waiting for the perfect chance to pounce and take its prey. So Josh hurried to finish his list, spending all his free time on working on it.

As the days went on, Tyler could see Josh get weaker and weaker, thinner and bonier. He knew he didn't have long left, but constantly denied it, having finally caved to the temptation of looking at old photos of them together. He suddenly had a great idea, and called Mark and Michael over as quickly as possible.

"I'm fine, I'm fine, im FINE TYLER SHUT UP, WILL YOU? JUST LEAVE ME ALONE, TO DIE IN PEACE DAMN IT" Josh yelled as best as he could at Tyler, who kept on fussing over Josh like a baby. Josh knew that he was delicate, a fragile being who needed as much attention as possible during his last days, but he hated how Tyler obsessed over him. He immediately recognised hurt and sadness in Tyler's eyes, and rushed to apologise, Tyler nodding a little bit and smiling a tight-lipped smile. "Tyler, baby, can you come lay next to me I'm-" Josh stopped to cough. "I'm lonely." Tyler shyly grinned at that, silently obeying as he climbed over the cool metal frame to lay next to his best friend, his dying best friend. They spent their time looking through a photo album that Tyler, Michael and Mark had put together.They laughed at the memories, and cried st the fact they would never get another chance to make more.

Josh turned over, so he was facing Tyler, the tips of their noses touching, and in that split second, Josh thought, 'I have nothing else to lose' and connected their lips softly, barely brushing against Tyler's before pulling away. Tyler just smiled and leaned over a bit, connecting their lips properly this time, feeling their lips against each other's. After a while, Tyler opened his eyes, to find that Josh had fallen asleep. He chuckled quietly to himself, because that was such a Josh thing to do, and pulled him closer to his body, wrapping his arms tightly around Josh's waist, afraid that if he let go, Josh would leave forever.

That's how the nurses found them during their midnight rounds, clutching onto each other like the world was ending.

It was always you  
Falling for me  
Now there's always time  
Calling for me  
I'm the light blinking at the end of the road  
Blink back to let me know

Josh, during his dying breaths, reached under his pillow and pulled out a black notebook and handed it to Tyler. On the front, it was titled "Tyler's List of Things to do to Appease Josh in the Afterlife", and Tyler felt himself start to cry a little harder, as impossible as that seemed. He smiled at Josh through his tears, pulling him in closer to him in a sort of hug. After Josh pulled away, Tyler bought him in for a quick kiss, before pressing their foreheads together and whispering 'I love you'. Josh, so weak he was unable to speak, smiled and blinked back in quick succession, which Tyler briefly registered as morse code for 'I love you'. Tyler smiled his brightest grin at Josh, before climbing out of his bed and standing next to him instead. He pressed a heavy kiss too his forehead, before reading the first page of the notebook Josh had wrote.

"Dear Tyler,

In my last moments, please sing me a song. One of our songs. Truce maybe, or Goner. But not the screaming part, I don't think the nurses would like that, haha.

Tyler, promise me, you'll keep on singing after I've gone? keep making music, for me, and the fans. Promise me Tyler, you'll keep on living?

all the love in the entire world,

-your friend, Josh"

Tyler let out a choked "I promise, Josh, I promise" before sitting down and clearing his throat, and he started to sing. He sung whatever verses came to mind, some of them his, some of them not. After he was done, he saw Josh breathe a small breath, before he was still. He smiled sadly, and pressed a kiss to his forehead before picking up the notebook and pen and leaving, silently closing the door to Josh's room.

**Author's Note:**

> ah! I know this isn't an update for TSSITNH but I feel really really really really guilty for not posting anything for like 5 years so here u go!!


End file.
